Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Women over 40

from 60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS)

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few
reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask,
'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over
40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it.
She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at
the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you
deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away
with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know
what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a
woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far
sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest.
They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You
don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately,
it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman
over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of
himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for
free?', here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against
marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig
just to get a little sausage!

Andy Rooney is a really smart guy!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

What is a husband?

What Is a HUSBAND?
A real husband is a woman's best friend. He will never standher up and never let her down. He will reassure her when she feelsinsecure and comfort her after a bad day. He will inspire her to dothings she never thought she could do; to live without fear andforget regret. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions andgive in to her most intimate desires. He will make sure she alwaysfeels as though she's the most beautiful woman in the room and willenable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, invincible ...
.... No wait...

I'm thinking of alcohol.
(todays funny via Eileen, thanks sis)

Friday, June 4, 2010

Subject: $20.00

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when Wayne, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. This seasoned yet playful heart throb noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her (as any man would.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00... on one condition..." Flabbergasted but intrigued, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply and passionately into his eyes, barely concealing her anticipation and excitement, and slowly and meaningfully said.... ..."Clean my house."
received from Jim via email