Monday, February 1, 2010

bye for now

Dear Dad,
It's been a tough day. I read your name in the Social Security death index this morning. I lost my breath and tears filled my eyes. The finality of it all struck me harder than I imagined it would. In my most secret thoughts, I imagined I'd see you once more. Maybe from just across the street, but maybe, close enough to where I could see your eyes. Maybe I could see the way you looked at me just once more in my life, like you did when I was a little girl playing on the floor in front of you. I'll have to take solace in the memory, but at least, I have that. It's been a sad day for me, and I can't seem to control the tears from falling when I think of the never ever now, but I know you're in a better place. I know you've suffered and seen things no man should ever see, and have been hurt more than words can express. I'm sure you'll be surprised to see your son there to greet you, but I'm glad you'll be together with him, our beloved, and ever missed brother. He cried tears that broke my heart when I got your letter and read it to him. I still can hear his laugh though. So maybe you and he can sit side by side crackin' off color comments, out of earshot of course. Forever in my heart, your daughter, Carebear.

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